


Easy

by DandyVela



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Almost Confessions, Best Friend Squad Moments, Canon Compliant, Dumb Lesbian Energy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluffy & Hopeful Undertones, Mutual Pining, Revisiting Memories, The Struggles of Emotional Growth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25038292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DandyVela/pseuds/DandyVela
Summary: Four times Catra tried to confess to Adora on Darla, and one time she still hasn't.During five nights between the events of 5x06 and 5x07, Catra makes baby steps towards growing as a person and coming to terms with her feelings for Adora.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 464





	Easy

**I.**

Darla’s narrow corridors seem to absorb Catra’s shadow as she sneaks across them, her weight spread evenly on her soles. Despite her best effort to make no sound, the quiet clattering of her nails echoes from the walls like raindrops on glass. She wraps her arms around herself, ears flagging as she makes her way further into the ship.

After Horde Prime’s sense of style in architecture, Catra feels surprised at the lack of claustrophobia she thought she would feel. Prime’s ship was made up of empty spaces and bright lights that hurt her eyes and head, like she was staring into the blazing suns they had sometimes passed. On Darla, Glimmer made sure they all felt somewhat cozy, decorating their rooms with anything she could find in abandoned storage holds and lockers, and Bow promoted the idea to mimic Etherian times of day with dimming the lights every twelve hours. Everyone seemed to get used to this new sleeping pattern in less than a week.

Everyone but Catra.

That’s why she chose to wander around now, knowing that everyone was probably asleep in their own cabins. As she passes a set of closed dilating doors, she hears quiet snoring coming from within, and she counts to four.

She stops in front of the last occupied room, hugging herself tighter as a shiver runs down her spine. She swallows, reaching out for the door. Realizing she’s shaking, Catra growls and does her best to steady herself until it stops. She breathes out slowly, then shivers again when the cold air brushes the nape of her neck as she turns her head. Without the familiar weight of her hair, she is constantly reminded how exposed and vulnerable she became, and in the light of what she is about to do, the cold seemed to flow into her veins through the scar Prime’s chip had left. The feeling numbed her body.

Catra is losing her patience. She forces herself to reach out again, nervously scratching the door instead of knocking.

“Adora?” Her voice comes out as weak and quieter than the buzzing of Darla’s mechanism. Catra tries again, knocking decently this time. “Adora?”

As her knuckles touch the door, the wings open up with a _whoosh_. Catra hisses back at it, jumping into a defensive posture. The room is staring back at her, dark and empty, but welcoming enough for her, so Catra straightens her back and decides to go in. As soon as she steps inside, the door closes behind her, leaving her in a darkness only she can see through.

“Adora, are you in here?” Catra tries again, looking around the cabin.

She stands there all alone. Her first instinct tells her turn around and leave, but something stops her. Something bewildering. Entrancing.

The scent.

Just like in the old days, Adora’s scent lingers on the blankets, the pillows, the air, and Catra is allured by it. She flashes another glance around the room to make sure she is really alone and starts circling Adora’s bed, trying to fight against what her heart is telling her to do. 

Last time she was left alone with her memories, Catra tore Adora’s bed to pieces. She does not allow herself to forget that - the blind rage that overcame her was the start of a series of events that eventually doomed them all. Something she cannot let herself feel again. Something that might be revised - not cured, not yet - with a new experience to remember.

Catra reaches down, fingertips sliding across the neatly made bed. She hesitates for a moment before sitting down on it carefully. Her palms stroke soft circles into the covers, warming them up. Unable to stop herself anymore, Catra flops down, grabbing the corners of Adora’s blanket and wrapping herself up in it. She nuzzles into it, pushing her face into the blanket so hard that the force of it hurts her nose. She inhales until her lungs flame up, until she can only breathe in Adora’s scent, then exhales slowly.

It is not as satisfying as the real thing, when Adora held Catra in her arms, their faces burrowed into the crook of each other’s necks. Adora’s lips barely touched Catra’s soft fur and she had been shaking more than Catra, she remembers. Adora’s trembling fingers in Catra’s now short hair, stroking softly; her quiet, wet gasps for air; her tears flowing down Catra's neck, cold and ticklish, lashes sticking to her jaw. Adora never cried like that. Not even when they were little, when she was beaten, bleeding, losing a battle.

Catra is brought back to reality when a dizzy feeling passes over her. She unwraps herself, and her throat stings from inhaling the crispy air. She stares at the ceiling with blurry vision, motionless for a while in the silent darkness.

She should go. She came to find Adora, not to get distracted by something as simple as a blanket; something that makes her heart ache, still. Catra sighs and pushes herself up, looking down at the wrinkled sheets. She tries to make the bed again, but her way is more clumsy than Adora's neat technique. She hopes Adora will not remember how she left it.

One last gentle stroke for the pillow, a little pat, and Catra is turning on her heels again. Before she can reach the door though, it opens, and a silhouette illuminated by starlight appears before her. Catra winces but recognizes Adora’s figure almost immediately. On the other side of the door, Adora cannot say the same about Catra; she jumps at Catra without hesitation, grabbing her by the shoulders with a war cry. Catra does not have time to defend herself, and the tackle ends with Adora pushing her into the wall and Catra banging her head into it. Adora’s forearm pins down Catra’s neck, fingernails sinking into her shoulder. Leaning closer in the dark, Adora gasps with realisation and quickly lets Catra go.

“Catra?”

Catra’s shoulders roll back from the wall and she flashes Adora a weak grin.

“Hey, Adora. I thought we weren’t doing this anymore.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know it was you, I just saw a shadow and-”

Catra huffs.

“Oh, it's not common for you to find someone in your bedroom at night?”

Adora glances at her, eyebrows furrowing. Catra bites the inside of her cheek, realizing that Adora would not even be smart enough to put together what Catra’s jab meant. She closes her eyes painfully.

“What… what are you doing here?” Adora asks, and Catra feels even worse because Adora’s voice does not have an edge. She is speaking softly, her tone a little bit lost but stingingly sympathetic. She’s pouring salt into Catra’s wounds.

“What do you think? I was looking for you.”

“Why were you looking for me?”

“Just. To talk.” Catra mutters, massaging her nape. “Alone.”

She still feels distraught and scared in front of Adora, the living embodiment of all her guilt and swallowed pride. Catra peeks up at her, only to see Adora smile warmly.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Yeah, I guess. You?”

Adora blushes faintly and sucks her lips in.

“I was just on patrol.”

Catra raises a brow.

“We do those?”

“It’s, well. Kind of a one-woman mission,” Adora says, ending in an embarrassed chuckle. “Not like we need them, I mean, we’re safe. It’s okay. Just to be sure.”

Catra is familiar with that kind of paranoia, so she nods, but then remembers that Adora cannot see in the dark. Adora’s words express her usual anxiety and selflessness, and they’re so familiar that they finally break through Catra’s walls. Before she could stop herself, she blurts out fondly:

“Of course you'd do that."

Adora makes a dismissive _pfffh_ sound, then starts looking for something on the wall next to her. Panic sparks in Catra’s chest.

“What are you doing?”

“Just trying to turn on the light.”

“Don’t,” Catra practically begs, leaping close and grabbing both of Adora’s wrists and holding them down between them. Adora exhales sharply, her chest barely touching Catra’s. She’s too close. She didn’t think this through, she’s too close-

“Catra-”

“Just don’t, okay? I don’t want you to see me.”

“What? Why? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

Catra growls and pushes Adora's hands away.

“Stop being so you, and just listen to me! I need to tell you something. Something important.”

Adora closes her mouth after a little gasp, and obeys, waiting for her.

Catra’s fingers begin to shake. This was a terrible idea. She should not have come here. She should not have tried to organise this like it’s a field exercise.

Catra struggles with her words, gaping without making any sound.

Adora tilts her head and whispers softly:

"Hey, I'm here. It's all okay."

Catra cannot bring herself to speak. Everything she has planned out she suddenly forgets, like the thoughts had never been there in the first place, even though Catra had rehearsed them over and over again in secret. She feels her chest tighten, and her insides form an agonizing knot.

Adora's concern is too much on top of the weight of the confession she planned to make. Not as an excuse, not as an explanation, but as an offering of truth. Just hours ago, the thought of a clean slate to work with seemed like a good idea, rebuilding the burnt bridges, opening up, not living in lies and fear of rejection anymore. Coming clean with her feelings was supposed to be part of her work towards the light, but Adora will never understand what her calming, caring words mean to Catra. That the sweeter they are, the sharper the daggers Adora twists into her heart become. Adora is willing to give Catra anything and everything, except opening that one door Catra has always wanted to go in.

Wrong time. Wrong words. Wrong heart.

Catra reaches behind Adora, sliding her palm up the control panel on the wall. Cold light pours over the room, making both of them squint.

Catra waits until Adora's eyes adjust to the brightness before speaking up.

"Thanks for saving my life. I haven't told you that before."

Adora's features soften.

"You saved Glimmer's. And ours, too."

Catra feels heat crawling up her neck. She looks away before it could reach her cheeks and exposes her even more.

"Also I. Truly am sorry, Adora." Catra looks into her eyes again. "For causing so much pain. For ruining so many lives. For every time I hurt-"

Adora shakes her head slowly, flashing her a weak smile. She holds her hands up.

"We don't have to talk about everything all at once, Catra. It's a lot. For both of us. I can see you trying. We all do." Catra scoffs. She really wishes Adora would stop talking about others. "That's what matters now. We have time."

"Well what if we don't?" Catra asks, voice breaking. She hates herself for it, but she is unable to stop the desperation from taking over her. "Things are far from over. We don't know if we'll have another time. You know what Prime is capable of, you know what he can do to people!"

A painful shadow darkens Adora's face, making Catra swallow the rest of her words. Here it is. She did it again. How can she break this pattern she fails to understand the ins and outs of yet? 

This is all wrong. Catra sought out this time alone with Adora to offer something true and honest, but all she can do with it is deepen Adora’s unspoken guilt about her that Catra doesn’t even understand.

Catra opens her mouth to speak but Adora beats her to it. Her voice is surprisingly strong and collected.

"I know. And that's why I'm telling you that we have time. I'll make sure of it. We can make everything right again."

Catra wacks her tail against the ground. She knew it would end in Adora saying shit like that again..

"I know you will," Catra says, glancing around the cabin. "I should go back to my room. Let you sleep. Goodnight, Adora."

Catra is aware of how hollow her voice sounds. She is also aware of how Adora will try to stop her, so she quickly dashes around her, running away as always. She hears Adora try to say her own goodnight to Catra, but the words are swallowed by the sound of the door closing.

Catra hurries back, throwing herself into her own cabin like Adora was chasing her.

At the other side of the door, Adora lingers for a while before deciding to make another round about the ship instead, leaving Catra alone.

**II.**

The next evening, everything goes the same way it had been for a while. After they spend dinner together, talking about comfortable and safe little nothings, Bow usually goes to bed first, followed by Glimmer shortly after. Catra could swear they go to each other's rooms sometimes, which fills her with bitter envy. Entrapta is unpredictable, either knocking herself out so Wrong Hordak carries her to bed, or they both stay up for hours tinkering on something in any parts of Darla Entrapta is entertained by at the moment. Tonight she decides to take apart the control panel and program some new functions to the hundreds of buttons it has, half of them broken or unable to connect to the new system she uploaded. Looking like she will be busy for a while, there is no need for Adora to take the - already needless - night shift.

Catra and her share a look before Adora takes off too, leaving Catra unsure of what to do. She curls up on the driver's seat and hugs her knees, watching Entrapta and Wrong Hordak for a while, chatting and working in perfect harmony. Once again, Catra is overwhelmed with loneliness, the feeling of standing alone even when surrounded by people of her own team. She relates to Entrapta a little more now, wishing that rebuilding broken connections would be as easy as reprogramming an ancient control panel.

Feeling like goodnights are not necessary since they have yet to share a word, Catra decides to sneak out silently.

"Sleep well!" Entrapta exclaims as soon as Catra reaches the door, making her cringe in surprise. She turns back to see Entrapta still showing her back to her and Wrong Hordak waving at her.

"Goodnight, brother!"

"You too," Catra says quietly. "And good luck with… whatever it is that you're doing."

She does not wait for an answer as she steps out of the control room and turns left towards their cabins. She immediately notices Adora, leaning back on the wall, arms and ankles crossed. Adora notices her too, probably sooner than Catra noticed her.

"Hi," Adora replies, her voice small and sheepish, just like her smile.

"Hey."

"Are they still in there?" Adora asks, pointing to the blast door with her chin.

"Yeah. It looked like they'll stay for a while."

"Okay. Okay." Adora pouts. "That's good. Good for them."

Catra flashes her fangs.

"You're so mad you're forced to bed, aren't you? Is that why you're hanging around here? To go back and stay up alone?"

"No," Adora says.

"Alright, suit yourself," Catra says, leaving for her own bedroom.

A couple steps after she passes Adora, she halts. She steps back without turning, then mimics Adora's pose next to her, close enough that she can feel the warmth of Adora’s body. Catra hears the rustle of Adora's jacket as she fidgets but doesn’t move away.

Catra's loneliness starts to fade, despite the fact that no words are being spoken between them yet. She lets her tense shoulders drop and relax, arms hanging meaninglessly. Her fingers move and twitch on their own, showing her restlessness; her nails follow the shining lines and dots that are engraved in the wall.

The back of Adora's hand brushes against hers. It seems like an accident at first, but then Adora does it again. And again. The touches become more consistent and last longer, until Catra cannot ignore them any longer. Catra sucks in her breath and takes a chance at curving a finger back, offering, pleading. Adora's index follows, curling around hers.

Catra focuses on breathing out as slowly and quietly as she possibly can. It still sounds like a windstorm to her.

"This takes me back," Adora whispers. Catra barely hears her due to the sound of her own heartbeat drumming in her ears.

"What?"

"Just…" Adora takes a moment to find the right words. "This. Right here." She makes an awkward move to lace their fingers together, but then stops herself. "I missed this."

There is a breath of silence. Catra knows that Adora does not want to talk about everything at once, and that is fair. But damn, she has so much to say. Things she has never been comfortable saying; things she is unsure if she is even supposed to talk about. The more it piles up, the harder it seems to vocalise any of it. Catra is craving that sweet release of words, terrified to mess up but breaking under the weight of them that she holds alone.

Is this really how doing the right thing feels? So strange and scary, and honestly, maddening? She thought she was going mad before, but this is a whole new level of discomfort, especially when things seem to be the most okay. She is not familiar or satisfied with any of this, and yet…

"Why did you come back for me?" Catra hears herself ask from far away, looking straight ahead. Her whole body feels numb except for the finger wrapped in Adora's touch.

"I-," Adora keeps quiet for a while. She casts down her eyes, mumbling: "I couldn't leave you there."

Catra turns her head, eyes searching for Adora's.

"But why?"

Adora’s lips shrink into a straight line.

"I just. Wanted you with me here. Like you are now."

Catra leans her head back against the wall. She desperately wants to stop herself from talking, as every inch of her body is itching from this uncomfortable situation. She fails to stop. She wants Adora to finally look at her.

"You missed me?"

"All the time," Adora says, almost sounding offended that Catra would have to ask this. Catra got what she wanted; Adora’s head jerks up and she turns towards her. "I told you that, remember?"

"Sorry for not believing that easily," Catra responds bitterly.

"Do you believe it now?"

Catra shrugs. She feels Adora draw back, so she quickly mutters:

"I guess."

Adora hums, satisfied and all too cocky. She tilts her hips to bump into Catra's.

"I know you missed me too."

"Okay, I'm leaving."

Catra pretends to do so, knowing damn well Adora will have to hold her hand tighter to pull her back.

"No way!"

Adora yanks her wrist so hard that Catra loses balance, the air stuck in her lungs. Her back bumps into Adora's chest, and she immediately feels Adora's arms sliding around her waist. She looks back at Adora, facing her tilted head and sweet smile. Her eyes are twinkling in a way that seems to reflect the stars that surround them. The cold blue light of the corridor darkens the color of her irises. It is easier to get lost in them this way.

"Hello," Adora whispers, lacing her fingers around her own wrist. Catra sucks her belly in awkwardly and curves her back before she loses her mind, trying to keep their bodies from touching. Adora's grin widens. "Got you."

"Ugh, you're the _worst_."

Adora's expression shifts into something different; something tame and fathomless. Catra's chest is heaving. She cranes her neck carefully, unsure about what exactly she is waiting for, but she knows she craves it.

“Adora-"

Entrapta barges out of the control room, yelling something back to Wrong Hordak that neither of them register. Catra shoves Adora off with a high little scream, using the same swing to push herself to the opposite direction. Adora bumps into Entrapta who uses the opportunity to dump some used wires into her hand.

"Good, I was going to look for you!" Entrapta exclaims. "Darla needs the confirmation of the administrator on the improvements I've made, and for a backup save before everything's online again."

"Uuuh," Adora says, looking down at the wires, up to Entrapta, then right to Catra. Catra stares back, eyebrows furrowed.

"Why isn't anyone talking?" Entrapta asks.

"I'm- I-. I should go," Adora tells Catra, as her knees start buckling under the weight of the wires, cheeks burning like the sunset sky.

There's a loud crash coming from the control room, then Wrong Hordak's long-drawn cry breaks through the walls:

"Brothers! It appears I have failed to fix the front board!”

“What was the problem with the front board?” Adora asks.

“Nothing,” Entrapta says. “Come on, we shouldn’t make Darla wait!” Her focus is back on her own project; she grabs Adora’s wrist with her pigtail and pulls her into the control room.

Adora glances back above her shoulder, shooting Catra an apologetic look. The door closes on her before Catra could falsely assure her that she doesn’t care.

This cursed hall seems to doom all confessions. Catra can only guess that this failed attempt is payback for the last time Scorpia tried to get close to her, standing in the very same position Catra is standing in now. She never thought about how difficult it must have been for Scorpia until now, especially since Scorpia always seemed to understand Catra’s feelings for Adora better than Catra herself does. Scorpia must have been just as scared and jittery as Catra is now, her heart in her throat and on her sleeve, and yet, she was better at it than Catra is.

Catra starts walking away from the memories only for them to follow her like ghosts. She remembers the whole thing word by word, echoing in her mind.

How could Scorpia be so collected, so clear in what she wanted and how she expressed it? How could she face Catra after growing such fond feelings, after all the secret thoughts, feeling no remorse or guilt for any of it? Where did she get the strength to show her affections so mindlessly, like it was just part of who she is, and not something she should be able to control and weed out?

All Catra has done in her life is hold back her emotions, except for her rage. Clipping her words, swallowing secrets, choking on her desires, rejecting the touches she craves the most.

Seriously, why is everyone else so much better at this? Catra knows she has many shortcomings, but this bad habit of holding back how she feels is eating her alive.

As Catra steps into her room and changes into her nightwear, she wishes Scorpia were in the ship with them. Catra could not name a single other person she would want to even try and talk to about this, except for Adora. What other options does she have on this goddamn ship? Catra does not trust them, and they do not trust her. None of them have any idea who Catra really is, and knowing them, their stupid plans, and how easy it is to mess with their gullible brains and predictable feelings-

No. Catra stops herself mentally, and physically too, fingertips pressing against her temples. This is the problem. Well, one of the problems. She takes a deep breath and keeps the air in her lungs. _You should be more like them. They’re better friends than you’ve ever been._

Catra feels the weight of those words on her shoulders, numbness drizzling over her like sprinkling water. She drags herself to her bed, flopping down face first. She hugs the pillow under her head then rolls off of it, pulls it down to her stomach, and throws her leg over it.

There. Now she _really_ feels alone.

**III.**

Tonight is more difficult to break away from the others, and all of them are in a great mood during dinner, except for her. She makes everyone repeat the things they say to her and ask of her, unable to focus and stay in the present. It feels like something is grabbing around inside her skull, tugging on her brain urgently. For the first time since she has lived on Darla, she is the first one to stand up and quietly excuse herself to bed, her voice faint in a warning that sounds as though she may throw up. She knows they all share looks behind her back and will start whispering immediately after she leaves.

Frustration rising inside her with every quick step she makes, Catra reaches her room practically shaking from it.

She wishes she had a door to slam, not just this automatic pain-in-the-ass. She looks around for something to destroy, her eyes settling on the dozens of crystal glasses on the walls. She curls her hand into a fist and strikes down with all of her might. Her raspy cry echoes back from the walls as shattered glass pieces rain down. Some bore into her knuckles; she punches the next crystal with the same hand so they sink even deeper.

The door opens again, and Catra hisses loudly. All the hairs rise on her tail until it’s twice its usual size, speared up and thrashing.

Adora practically throws herself into the room, losing her balance. She supports herself with her palm on the wall only to jerk back immediately; she nearly put her hand into the broken glass. She stares at the hole in the crystal, then at Catra’s hand and gasps with dread.

“Catra! Catra, what happened?!”

She steps closer but Catra screams:

“Stop!”

Adora halts. Her hands are in the air.

“Hey-”

“Don’t come any closer,” Catra hisses again, tears clouding her vision. Her breath hitches as she adds, much softer this time: “Please. I don’t want to hurt you.” The tears are so cold on her burning cheeks. “Go away.”

Something finally breaks in her, tears flowing through her collapsed walls like a wild stream. She tries to dry her eyes but her knuckles are all bloody, shards of sharp glass still protruding out. It makes her cry harder, and her knees give in. She drops down, curling into herself, gasping for air. She suffocates on her sobs, lungs burning. Her saliva is dripping blood like her knuckles. Drip-drip-drip, her mind is the storm and it is raining.

She fails to hear Adora stepping closer against her warning, she just feels Adora’s hand caressing her shoulder. Catra laughs soundlessly, shoulders shaking.

“Why do you always do everything someone else tells you to do but never care about what I say?”

“I don’t know,” Adora whispers honestly. She huddles up to Catra, wrapping her arms around Catra’s neck, sending shivers up Catra’s spine. Her breath warms Catra’s cheeks, drying her tears. “Shh. It’s okay.”

“I _told_ you I didn’t want to hurt you,” Catra says.

She feels another wave of panic rising; when it hits her like a punch in the guts, Adora stays with her through the whole thing, arms around her. Adora calms her shakes and helps her breathe.

Catra gives up on holding back, clinging to Adora the way she has been longing to do for a long time. She does not really know what happened - not before this all started, not when she broke the crystals. She really thought she was doing better, realizing better, but the changing of her feelings are still so confusing and frantic. She always had people to blame for it before, but now that that has been finally stripped away from her, all she’s left with is self-hatred.

When she finally calms down, Adora draws back a bit to look at her, hands cupping her wet face. She is smiling brightly at Catra.

“I knew you wouldn’t.”

“What?”

“Hurt me.” Adora strokes her under her ear, making Catra sigh and close her eyes. “And you are my friend. I’m here for you when you need me.”

Catra swallows hard. Her instinctive reaction is to tell Adora she doesn’t need her.

“Because you’re an idiot,” she croaks instead, squinting at Adora. “That’s how it always ended, don’t you remember?”

_Stop looking at me like that. Stop trusting me. Stop thinking I can be better when we both know I’m a lost fucking cause. I’ll always have my claws and my flaws and if I’ll ever use them to destroy everything that you love, I-_

“I do,” Adora says. Her voice is firm and comforting at the same time; it leaves no room to question her. “That’s how it always _ended_ , but things are different now. I am different. You are different. Things won’t be easier, but that doesn’t mean it will ever go wrong again.” Adora slides her palms down to Catra’s neck, lifting her jaw with her thumbs so Catra looks her in her eyes. “I told you; I won’t let it. Will you?”

Catra wants to say no, but no sound comes out. She clears her throat, trying again.

“No. I won’t.”

Adora lets her go with one hand only to slide it down to Catra’s ass, lifting her up. Catra stops fighting for air for a moment while Adora is pulling Catra into her lap so her thighs are between Catra’s. She forgets all about her guilt and her rage, her whole body stiffening. Her voice is weak but threatening when she says: “What the hell are you doing.”

“Consoling you.”

“Is that what they call it at Bright Moon?”

Adora looks at her confused. Oh god.

“Whatever,” Catra mutters and looks away. She is so going to make her pay for this. Another time.

Adora draws back, leaning her head on Catra’s mattress behind her. Her fingers caress Catra, from Catra’s neck to her arm and wrist. She lifts up Catra’s injured hand, her thumb stroking her carefully. Their eyes meet.

“Can I?” Adora asks. Catra shrugs, so Adora reaches under the bed with her free hand, pulling out a first-aid kit

“Convenient,” Catra sniffs, making Adora chuckle.

Catra watches Adora snatches up tweezers from the kit, glancing at her again and asking for permission to continue. She gets a nod, so she starts pulling the splinters out, one by one, carefully but quickly at the same time. Catra winces at times; it is a natural reaction to the stinging pain felt at first, but soon she just wants to feel Adora’s apologetic strokes again.

When she finishes, Adora pours disinfectant on a cloth. Catra watches it soak up the blood. The smell clears her nose and burns her puffy eyes. She feels like crying again.

As always, Catra causes the wounds, and Adora tends to them. Does not matter if the situation involves the two of them or anyone else. Catra wonders if she will ever be able to be like Adora; if she will ever be strong enough to clean up others’ messes too, as well as her own.

“Done,” Adora says.

Catra stares at her hand. She does not remember Adora bandaging her wounds, but there it is - a really clumsy, sloppy job, actually. She bursts out laughing, freaking Adora out.

“What? What’s so funny? Oh no, are you crying again?”

Catra shakes her head, still snickering.

“What are these for?” she asks, poking the strings that just hang in the air. There are so many of them. She turns her hand up. “Is that supposed to be a bow knot?”

“I tried my best,” Adora says offended, but she fails to hide her own grin.

Catra laughs harder, her voice growing thin.

“Oh that’s even worse.”

“You are an ungrateful brat.”

“And you’re a shitty nurse."

“None of my patients complained before."

"Because they're all dead?"

Adora gasps dramatically, slapping her own chest.

"I cannot believe you'd accuse me of that!"

"You didn't say I was wrong," Catra says, narrowing her eyes and leaning close to Adora's face. "Highly suspicious."

Adora finally laughs, throwing her head back onto Catra's mattress. Catra watches her fondly, head finally clear and heart full. Her tail wraps around Adora's ankle. She is overcome with the need to burrow her head into the crook of Adora's neck, a longing to lay her whole body on top of Adora. Thankfully, Adora stops laughing and breaks the moment by turning back to her.

"Hey, it's still early. Do you want to go back to the others?"

"Uh…"

"They must be worried about you too," Adora says gingerly. "We… all heard you scream."

"Oh great."

"You don't have to if you're not feeling like it," Adora adds quickly. "They'll understand. I understand."

 _But it might be good for me is what you're trying to say_ , Catra thinks. She might be right. It's not a terrible idea to get out of this bubble of self-pity and hatred and uncertainty of what to do.

"Okay," Catra says, staggering to her feet from Adora's lap. "Let's go back."

She holds her hand out and Adora takes it. Catra helps her up too, her fingers letting Adora go but her tail still wrapped around Adora’s ankle for a moment.

Catra sniffs and adjusts her shirt, then taps on her face and ruffles her short hair, trying everything she can to collect herself. She peeks at Adora.

"How do I look?"

"Pretty. Good. Pretty good. You look good. You're fine."

Catra rolls her eyes and turns to hide her smirk.

"Okay, weirdo."

Adora steps ahead to open the door, letting Catra take the lead. When Catra passes her, Adora strokes her arm once more to encourage her.

"Thanks," Catra mutters.

"Always."

**IV.**

There is still one part of Darla that Catra has not dared to enter yet. Due to memories too painful and guilt too strong, she always passes that door as quickly as she can, not even looking in the general direction of it.

That is why her heart drops when she hears voices coming from behind that door; it sounds like someone is yelling in pain. When Catra seems to recognize Adora's voice, it is no question if it is going to be fight or flight.

Catra runs towards the screams. She punches the panel and the door opens with a mechanical hiss; Catra jumps through it, somersaulting in the air, so she lands more comfortably. She is still on her knees when she faces Adora dressed down to her shirt and holding her staff above her head, ready to strike down.

They stare at each other for a moment. Catra jumps up as nonchalantly as possible, trying to play her flip off like she always entered rooms like that, clearing her throat.

Adora knocks the end of the staff against the floor. Before she could say anything, Catra asks:

"Is this part of your patrol now? Hitting the air?"

Adora chuckles and dries her forehead with her shirt, exposing her stomach. Catra stares at the lines of her abs and glistening skin as long as she can, all the while trying her best to focus on Adora's muffled words.

"Remember those trainings we used to have, with the one single move we had to do repeatedly for an hour? For strength and obedience?"

"You know I always skipped them."

Adora lets her shirt fall back down, baby hairs ruffled around her forehead.

“Umm, I only remember that I beat you in combat exercises all the time.”

“Because I let you."

"Is that what you kept telling yourself at night?"

"You can't even imagine half the things I tell myself at night." Implied as something light and flirty to snap back, Catra finds her voice breaking anyway.

Adora tilts her head to the side, watching her strangely.

"Turns out they're also perfect when you're stressed," she says.

Catra makes a sour face.

"That must be where it all went wrong for me then."

Adora grins. She comes round the dagger-like column Catra tied her to one time and grabs the closest staff lying on the ground. She walks back and throws it at Catra, who catches it with a confused and, honestly, disgusted look on her face.

"What even is this? A space mop?"

"Parts? Of the ship? I don't know."

Catra glances at the staff in Adora's hand, eyebrows raised.

"Why is yours so much better?"

"Oh, I. I've been using this since…" Adora sighs. She hoped she would not have to say this again. "Since I broke the sword?"

"Aah," Catra says knowingly. "I knew it looked different last time." She-Ra too. She has way clearer memories about that. "Wait, wait, if you broke it, how did you tu-"

"Anyway! More importantly-" Adora cuts in and raises her staff, holding it with both hands like a sword. Adora’s stare calls out a challenge to Catra. "Why don't you cut the act and try and take me down for once?"

Catra swings her staff and laughs, unable to stop herself from saying:

"I'd love _you_ to try and take me down."

Adora blinks as a warning before striking. Catra blocks the attack easily, turning on her heels for a better position and strikes back. She barely reaches Adora, who is on high alert, her counterattack almost knocking the staff out of Catra's hand. Catra is forced to grab it mid-air, making Adora raise an eyebrow cockily.

"Aw, you're holding back? Aren't you getting soft."

"I'm _not_ soft!"

Rage flares up inside Catra for a moment, only to realize Adora is only messing with her like she used to.

Adora _trusts_ her.

With her next strike, Catra aims for Adora's ankles, trying to sweep her off her feet. Adora trips, reacting too late, trying to skip away. She lands awkwardly, knees buckling; Catra hits her again, her staff knocking into Adora's that she raises defensively.

They both try to push the other away, their strength matching perfectly. Their eyes meet; grunts melting into mellow chuckles before both of them hop back, Adora being the first one to attack again. Then Catra. Then Adora, again and again.

Catra only starts to realise how long they have been fighting when her throat dries up, making it painful to breathe. She is suddenly aware how sweaty she is, and looking at Adora, she finds that she is not doing any better. Her ponytail came loose, stray tufts of hair sticking to her forehead and dangling in her face.

"What, are you gonna give up?" Adora asks, wheezing.

Catra walks closer, lowering her staff. She does not say a word when she stops a couple feet away from Adora and raises her arm. Catra reaches for her and gently points at her forehead, making Adora breathe a bit slower and calmer, smiling so brightly at Catra that it makes her heart skip a beat.

That is when Catra jumps at her, knocking the air out of her lungs. Adora yelps and falls over with Catra on top. On the floor, Catra grabs her wrists and pins them next to Adora's head, leaning over her. Her thighs weigh Adora down.

"Aww, look who got taken down," Catra purrs, giggling at Adora's struggle to escape.

"You cheated," Adora breathes.

"No, I'm inventive."

Adora fails to keep a straight face, her frown shifting into a smile as she comes up with an idea; she wiggles her hips instead of her hands which distracts Catra immediately. Adora rolls over her, twisting her wrists so she can lace their fingers together. Now she's on top, holding Catra's hands and kneeling above her.

"So am I," Adora says.

Her hair, completely loosened now, falls against Catra's cheeks and forehead. Adora shakes her head a bit to get the locks out of Catra’s face; now they hang around Catra’s head like a golden canopy.

Something shifts. Catra's throat is even drier now; swallowing hurts and tightens her lungs like she’d need to cough. She tries to calm her breathing so their chests do not touch accidentally, but it is difficult with both of them feeling breathless and Adora leaning so close to her. Adora only holds her hands without touching her anywhere else, and it still sets something on fire in Catra's stomach; a sharp stab that is crawling lower in her body.

Her eyes follow a drip of sweat flowing down Adora's forehead and down the bridge of her nose. It stops at the tip but Catra's glance is no longer on that, it is sitting on Adora's parted lips.

Adora arouses, pushing herself up. She rises from her knees, holding her hand out to help Catra up too. Her palm is slippery with sweat.

"Agree to disagree on a draw?"

"If that makes you feel better about your pathetic defeat."

Catra walks away and takes her staff back to the pile. She drops it on top.

"Did it work?" Adora asks, leaning on the cave-like wall. She is still breathing heavily.

"What?"

"Do you feel better?"

Depends. Catra turns back to her.

"Do you?"

Adora's lips part. She looks at her feet, standing on her heels and twisting them. She looks so small and fragile when she does that. Catra hates to see it; her legs want to move on their own; they want to get her as far from here as possible. She needs to gather all her strength to stop herself from running away.

"Yeah, I think."

Catra asks carefully:

"What makes _you_ stressed?"

Adora freezes. She makes a miserable little sound, hiding her face behind her palms.

"It's just… nothing. It's okay."

"Adora."

"It's fine!" Adora raises her voice, staring at Catra with eyes wide. She regrets it immediately, looking away and chewing on her lower lip.

So Catra finds herself in a new, strange position. She watches Adora pick up her lost elastic and tie her hair again. It is clear that Adora's mind is buzzing; all her moves are skittish and perplexed.

Catra thinks for a moment before speaking, unsure of what to say or do. It is no wonder that Adora is breaking under the weight of the universe’s fate; Catra cannot even begin to imagine how she would react if the roles were reversed. She probably would have blown up everything and let it burn, but Adora has always been kinder. Not level-headed by any means, but more... reserved.

There is nothing similar about how Adora is forced to save the same world Catra is still recovering from almost destroying, but it still feels like they are dealing with the same problem.

"It's okay if it's not okay. I mean…" Catra knits her brows and tries a little smile. "You know how not fine I've been. Even last night. You don't have to always keep it together. You don't always have to be the strongest."

Adora looks at her like she is about to cry. It is deeply uncomfortable, but Catra decides to keep going.

"You aren't alone. You've never been. And you can count on people. You have friends. You can always… you know." Catra bares her teeth. "Talk to me too or whatever. No, wait. Shut up. I'm not finished." She sighs, shifting her weight. "I just want to say… I'm here. If you want to talk about anything. I know I wasn't good at listening before, but I will try better from now on. That's all."

Catra's words falter into something barely intelligible. She does not need or want to look at Adora, knowing exactly what kind of stupid face she is making.

“Thank you, Catra.”

“Don’t thank me.” Catra crosses her arms. She digs her nails into her arms. “It’s the least I can do.”

“I will tell you everything,” Adora says faintly, sounding more tired than anything. Catra seems to notice the dark circles under her eyes for the first time. “I really want to. Just… not now.”

"Sounds familiar."

Catra catches a shadow of Adora’s wry smile before she brushes off any signs of sorrow or distress, but Catra knows her better. She knows that dim light in her eyes, the emptiness in her voice even when she forces herself to be chipper as usual.

“Do you want to take a shower first? I should pack up here a bit. I really… made a mess.”

Catra also knows what that means.

“Sure.”

And she leaves.

**V.**

The next morning, Catra lingers around the control room later than usual, yet she is still not the last one to arrive at breakfast. She never eats right after waking up, but this morning she is starving, feeling the outlines of her stomach like it is a black hole growing inside her.

She yawns big, showing all her teeth, and sits down between Glimmer and Adora. It is just the three of them now.

"Look who decided to show up," Glimmer says tauntingly but pushes a hot pastry into Catra's hand.

"Save that for your boyfriend," Catra snaps back and takes a huge bite. She does not have to look to know Glimmer is all red. Adora snorts into her mug and starts coughing violently.

"Adora!"

"How dare you mock Glimmer like that?" Catra adds in an overacted voice.

Glimmer shoots Catra a murderous look. Catra shrugs, taking another bite and staring straight into Glimmer's eyes. Glimmer breaks eye contact first when the lock opens again and Bow steps in.

Adora, who barely stopped suffocating, whines miserably. She avoids looking at anyone too or she would start it all over again. The tension of Bow sitting with them and greeting them might be too much for her because she babbles about leaving something in her room and puts her hands on her knees to get up.

Glimmer grabs her wrist to stop her.

"Adora, wait. Before either of you leave, Bow and I have a proposition."

Adora plops back down. Bow takes a pastry too, humming excitedly.

"We've been talking, and since _some_ of us-" Glimmer glances between Adora and Catra, who also share a look, "have troubles with getting a good sleep, we should totally throw a big sleepover! We could bring our mattresses here after dinner, play some games-"

"Talk and bond," Bow adds. "Ooh, we should watch a movie! I'm gonna ask Entrapta if she can turn Darla's windshields into a screen!"

Catra opens her mouth to say how terrible that idea is, but Glimmer claps.

"What do you think?" she asks both of them, only looking at Catra this time. A kind smile narrows her eyes. "It will be like old times."

Oh. That is what she means. Catra swallows hard.

"Whatever," she says, drawing her shoulders up. She feels her cheeks grow hotter.

"I think it's a great idea," Adora finally speaks up, her voice still husky from coughing. "Not the windshield, we kinda need that to see."

"Thank you," Catra mutters, throwing her head back.

"But other than that, it's fantastic! We should make some snacks too. I can help!"

"Um, sure," Glimmer says with a grimace. "That's… an idea. Catra?"

Catra raises both her hands and staggers to her feet. She starts backing away.

"Oh no, it's your mess, Sparkles."

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere none of you will find me until dinner!" Catra says, spinning out of the door and running down the corridor.

She finishes her pastry in a dark corner by the airlock, unable to stop herself from smiling.

Her chest feels warm.

  
  


When the artificial evening falls, Catra puts her nightwear on. Her heart is pounding in her chest, and her head feels as light as a feather.

She turns to the wall, staring at her reflection in one of the crystal glasses that stayed intact after her mess the other night. She is still not used to seeing herself like this - the bare face, the short hair. So much weight has been lifted off her that all her moves are jerky and hasty like she always expects to meet a barrier she has to break through. For years, all she has done is prove herself - her worth, her strength, her skills, for which she had to bleed and claw and burn.

It feels so cold without the flames.

Someone pounds on her door. Catra only turns her head.

“What?”

“Are you ready?” Glimmer yells from the other side of the door. Without waiting for an answer, she goes on: “I’m coming in!”

“Sure, why not, make yourself at home,” Catra mutters.

Glimmer steps in, wearing a ridiculous frilly nightgown that ends right above her knees. The sleeves are made of puffy, pink chiffon that, obviously, sparkles.

“Nice dress,” Catra comments. Catching her glance, she adds quickly: “It’s cute. It suits you.”

“Thanks,” Glimmer accepts the compliment, suspicion evident in her tone, and Catra nods. “So, are you okay to join? Everyone’s already in the control room.”

“Sure.” Catra turns back to the crystals. “Just a minute.”

“Ookay. I’ll just.” Glimmer points out the door. “I’m just gonna leave, then. Don’t forget your mattress!”

And with that, Glimmer turns to leave, yet something is not sitting right with Catra; Catra turns on her heels, leaping forward.

“Glimmer,” she stammers, grabbing for her hands. Glimmer looks up at her with wide eyes but does not draw away. Catra’s glance forks around the room before it settles down on Glimmer’s. “I’m. I’m sorry.”

There is a beat of silence.

“I know.” Glimmer gives her a faint smile and shrugs a little. “We both have a long way to go.”

Catra lets her go and croaks:

“We really fucked up, didn’t we?”

Glimmer laughs, surprising Catra even more, and looks at her with a look of understanding.

“Big time,” she says.

She comes round Catra and hops on her bed, patting the empty space next to her. Catra joins her without thinking, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them. She listens to Glimmer with her ears perked up.

“You know… I’m sort of ready to let go of the past now. It wasn't easy, and I certainly needed to make my own bad decisions and see others make the right ones to be able to see above the mess that we are living in. I can’t fight for a brighter future while I’m dragging so much anger and hatred with me. The guilt too, I… I know I am to blame for things. And I blame you for things. I blamed Adora, I blamed Bow. I blamed everyone, the whole world. Some things are difficult to forgive, if they even can be, and we can’t erase our mistakes even if they disappeared from our reality.” Catra tries to swallow the lump in her throat. Glimmer licks her lips and glances away. “But we are both here now. We’ve turned over a new page and I don’t want things to go back to how they used to be. I guess we both just have to be a little better every day. To others and to ourselves.”

“Yeah,” is all Catra can say, nuzzling into her arms a bit more. She peeks up anyway. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“How are you better to yourself?”

Glimmer cannot answer right away. She thinks for a while, staring at her hands in her lap.

“I think” she starts carefully, “it’s easier sometimes to let yourself see who you are through the eyes of others.”

“I’ve had a lot of practice in that.”

“In a positive way. When I realized my friends still trust me… that they are willing to forgive me for what I did when I’m working for it, that they still believe that I can be good… that’s when it got easier for me. If they can move on and let me earn their love again, I can do the same thing for myself.”

“Sounds easy enough.”

“I know it’s not. But you have to try.” Glimmer gets off the bed with a little jump, turning back towards Catra. “That’s your mantra now. You have to try.”

Glimmer waits quietly until Catra gives her a little nod. Then, Glimmer is grinning again, hands on her hips.

“Now, can we leave already? If we’re lucky, Adora has already eaten all the terrible snacks she’s made.”

Catra huffs and dries her eyes with her wrist.

“They’re _edible_?”

“Do you really think she cares?”

Catra is fully laughing now, and Glimmer joins in. She scrambles to her feet again and takes her mattress out of the bed frame. She pulls it under her armpit, holding it in place since she is not tall enough to reach down. She gestures towards Glimmer with her free hand, then grabs her blanket and pillow too. She hesitates for a moment before throwing them to Glimmer to carry, hitting her in the face and earning a little giggle.

“Lead the way, Sparkles."

Stepping into the control room Catra is confused for a moment. The huge space of white nothing had been transformed into a cozy common room, much like the dormitory Catra and Adora used to sleep in; except for the soft, buzzing fairy lights that hang from the ceiling, knit together into wreaths. They lay the mattresses in a circle, their corners touching; they look like huge, soft petals of the same flower. Catra puts hers where the empty space is, between Adora’s and Entrapta’s. The middle is full of strange food, coming in different colors, sizes, and textures. Catra cannot really identify any of them, so they must be the fruit of Adora’s gastronomic skills and enthusiasm. Entrapta did in fact turn the windshields into a huge joint screen, although she also put together a smaller device that allows them see what is happening outside of Darla’s walls.

Adora smiles fondly at Catra when Catra sits down. She is sitting cross-legged, elbows resting on her knees, wearing a tank top and shorts. The fact that the outlines of her curved deltoids are even sharper in the half-light of the room does not go unnoticed by Catra.

“That was quick,” Bow tells Glimmer approvingly.

Catra stares at him, wrinkling her nose. She immediately wants to strike back, commenting on Bow’s ridiculous pajama top that has long sleeves _and_ a hood, but ends right under his ribcage. She stops herself last second, letting it slide.

She will be better. She has to.

And she will have fun tonight, whatever it takes.

  
  


Unfortunately, the movie Bow chooses is terrible. Not the kind of bad that is so bad it is brilliant and enjoyable; just plain stupid. It is supposed to be a supernatural thriller from a series called Mer-Mysteries; a revenge story of a black ghost knifefish, who is indeed a ghost who likes stabbing people. Especially those who caused his tragic death? Catra is not sure.

However, everyone seems to be invested in it. Bow and Glimmer huddle up under the same blanket; Entrapta is laying on her belly, feet dangling in the air, resting her chin on her hair. Wrong Hordak is hiding under Entrapta's blanket, and Adora is hanging around on Catra’s mattress, legs still crossed.

The room turns dark, then painfully bright again; flashes of the ghost murder scene flare up and something that is supposed to be blood (that looks or acts nothing like blood) splashes on the screen. The others scream in unison, leaving Catra laughing.

“Seriously? You’re all such babies,” she says. “It doesn’t even look real.”

She is so busy with being smug about it that she only just notices that Adora is clinging to her arm. Catra freezes, squinting at her. Adora shoots her an apologetic look and an embarrassed little grin, retreating slowly. She clears her throat and crawls a little further away from Catra.

When the next jumpscare strikes, Catra does too. As soon as Adora starts to whimper, Catra grabs her blanket and throws it on Adora’s shoulders, wrapping them up; now hidden away, she slides closer and closes the gap Adora drew between them. Adora looks at her with wide eyes and parted lips.

Catra’s face burns as she pouts. She shrugs as a silent reply to a silent question, leaning on her hand behind Adora’s back. Adora’s eyes brighten up, her sweaty palm closes up on Catra’s free hand under the blanket.

Catra squeezes it.

She has no idea what happens in the last thirty minutes of the movie - except that it has five more “scary” parts where Adora clings to her even tighter.

  
  


The crystal spins around on the ground; as it stops, the sharp end is pointing straight to Catra. Glimmer flashes her a challenging grin, visibly satisfied with the outcome.

"Alright, Catra - truth or dare?"

"Dare, obviously."

Glimmer looks even more pleased.

"I dare you to hug someone for twenty seconds straight. No wriggling, no standing there like a tree."

Catra peeks at Adora, making Glimmer add immediately:

"Adora doesn't count."

"You are a monster. I respect that." Glimmer shrugs proudly while Catra sighs. "I'm not letting you win this. Who do you want me to hug? You?"

"You'd want that wouldn't you? No, no. Hug Bow!"

"What?!" Bow says.

"It's fine, there aren't any cliffs around." Glimmer waves her hand.

Catra narrows her eyes but scrambles to her feet while Bow does the same. Catra walks around the mattresses like she is about to enter a duel; chin high, hands in fists, eyes piercing.

"Alright," she mutters and stops in front of Bow. "Ready?"

"I have no idea," Bow says truthfully, voice breaking. That is enough for Catra.

She clears her throat and opens her arms. She snarls, eyes lifted to the bright star-like spots glowing on the ceiling. Bow mirrors her moves, stepping between her arms awkwardly and closing his arms around her boney back.

The hug is complete.

Bow gasps quietly.

"You're so… _soft_." He stares at the others over Catra's shoulder, shooting them a look so charmed it looks painful. He holds Catra a tiny bit tighter. Adora smiles knowingly.

"No. Talking," Catra growls into his chest.

"If you want to purr, that's okay."

"When is it gonna be over?!"

"Five," Glimmer starts to count back. Adora joins her. "Four. Three.”

“Hey,” Catra mutters so only Bow can hear.

“Hm?”

“Two.”

“I’m sorry. About the cliff thing.”

“One. You can let go!"

Catra pushes herself away and gasps for air like she had not been breathing throughout the hug. She collects herself and glances at Bow carefully; his face is practically beaming. Good. So he had heard.

Catra turns away and resettles herself next to Adora.

“Don’t,” she grunts waningly.

“I didn’t- I wasn’t gonna. Nope.”

“My turn.” Catra snatches the crystal, pointing it at Glimmer like a dagger. “You better hope it lands on someone else because I’m going to make you eat all of Adora’s snacks.”

  
  


Hours must have passed. Catra’s cheeks ache from smiling and laughing, her lungs too, limbs pleasantly heavy and numb. She lays on her back, staring at the ceiling; a couple minutes ago she was talking to Glimmer, who had not answered her last question. Catra does not even remember what it was.

“I think she fell asleep,” Adora whispers.

“Mm.”

Before Catra could say anything else, she hears Adora get off of her mattress. Catra turns her head to see Adora kneel on the ground, pushing her mattress into Catra’s. She also pushes the two a little further away from the others, Catra travelling on her mattress like a sack of potatoes.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m moving in,” Adora says. She stops pushing them, rolling onto her mattress again and turning towards Catra. “You snore like crazy, I simply saved them.”

“What a hero,” Catra says. “They probably don’t care about your insane sleep fights.”

“Eh, they’re used to that.” Adora blinks slowly; it seems to be much easier for her to keep her eyes closed rather than open, but she always wakes up with a start; her eyes are always focusing on Catra like she is afraid she would disappear.

“Sleep, you idiot,” Catra chuckles. She desperately wants to smooth a stupid curl of hair out of Adora’s face.

Adora grunts something unintelligible. She is clearly drifting away. Catra takes a chance and reaches out, touching Adora’s face and hair with her nail only. Adora moans quietly, lips curled into a sleepy smile.

“Catra,” she mumbles, rolling on her back. She leaves her mouth open, breathing softly.

She’s gonna drool in a minute. Idiot.

Catra draws back; she slides her palms under her cheek, laying on her side. She watches Adora quietly, studying every little detail of her face until she could draw her by memory. Once again she is overcome by the feverish need to tell Adora how she feels; to just let the words flow through her even if they will only lash into Adora’s cliffs like foaming waves, vaporizing before reaching her.

Catra opens her mouth but no sound comes out. She can’t. She just can’t.

And for the very first time, that feels alright. Catra fumbles with her blanket, snuggling just a bit closer to Adora; she reaches the end of her mattress, wondering if she should just cross the border.

No. Not yet. Just like the words she still swallows back and will keep swallowing them; she is not there yet. She is not ready, and she is not who she needs to be. Adora deserves her best, and she is far from that. She needs to grow more, understand more, do more.

What she has right now is enough. She has Adora back, and Adora is not leaving her ever again; she promised to take her home, she showers her with care and attention like she used to before she found the sword. Catra will not just take and take anymore; she cannot. She has to give back and cherish Adora with all her heart; Adora does not feel the same way about her anyway, she would just confuse her and burn the bridges they have just barely started rebuilding again.

She will be someone Adora deserves. She will be able to give back everything she has received, and even more; she will learn to be selfless, sincere, and good. Catra will keep her promises and take care of Adora, protect her, defend her, stay with her, live for her.

And then… just then, she might tell Adora.

Catra closes her eyes, letting Adora’s quiet snuffling lull her to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have risen from my ashes and writing again after skipping years of it, finally debuting in this fandom! Ayy! Never a better idea that everyone and their mothers have already written, including the showrunner herself.
> 
> Thank you for the wonderful beta work:  
> [@duke-chainsaw](https://duke-chainsaw.tumblr.com) and [@esoterrible](https://esoterrible.tumblr.com)
> 
> Find me on Tumblr as [@quee-ra](https://quee-ra.tumblr.com)


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